two different tears..:')

i am trying to figure out how to move on with my life without u by my side..waking up with teary eyes..i can't do this..no more!gotta erase u now..!so i think of all the pain u've given me..try to look at all the damage u've done to me..no matter how hard i try,i just can't figure out why i keep thinking about how sweet u used to be..
u gave me two different tears after all these years..tears of joy..tears of pain..like sunshine and rain..i hate u but the love u gave me was so so good..then i love u but the pain u gave me was so so bad..i am crying over u..still what does this mean??do i still want u back in my life??after all these painful things u've done to me..why is it so hard to realize?try to look at all the painful left in my heart that shatter into million pieces..but the harder i fight,u come closer to my sight..and i'm thinking of how sweet it could have been..why do i still feel this way??when i know there's nothing left to say..shouldn't be but i loved u in the first place..wanna erase u without a trace..try to tell myself that i need to hate u with the pain that u put me through..but...arggghhhhhh!that's the reason why i still miss u no matter how hard i try..